This is the third and final part of my 3 Rookie Writing Mistakes series. To read Part 1, click here To read Part 2, click here Being too nice to your charactersThis topic is an expansion of "Obstacles", introduced in Part 1 of this series.
In life, we tend to avoid conflict and will sometimes go to extraordinary lengths to be tactful. We are kind to the people with love. We have polite conversations. That exact philosophy makes for a very boring book. For examples from my own writing, we don't have to throw it all the way back to 2008. Instead, let's look the evolution of the "meet cute" in my current manuscript (all you need to know is that Maggie is starting her first day at work and Victoria is the CEO of the company, her love interest). Here's how I had them first meeting: Draft 1: Maggie is on Facebook as part of her job. From afar, Victoria sees that she's on Facebook and rolls her eyes. Draft 2: Maggie is on Facebook as part of her job. She sees Victoria, and involuntarily stands up, transfixed by Victoria. Victoria sees that she's on Facebook and rolls her eyes. Draft 3: Maggie finds herself in the elevator with Victoria and doesn't know who she is. She asks Victoria what her role at the company is and Victoria reveals that she's the CEO. Draft 4: Maggie finds herself in the elevator with Victoria and doesn't know who she is. She talks smack about the CEO, then Victoria reveals that she's the CEO. Which one do you want to read? In Draft 1, I thought of a relatable scenario--you get caught on Facebook at work. Happens sometimes, right? But it's not hooky or memorable at all. I was told to up the ante. So in Draft 2, not thinking outside the box yet, I kept the same scene but had Maggie stand up, which is sort of embarrassing, but not really. In Draft 3, I let go of the old beginning and rewrote the entire meet cute. Much, much better! I was proud of myself and thought I was done, until my writing class teacher told me to up the stakes even further. Maggie doesn't know that Victoria is the CEO--how can you get the most out of that? Draft 4 was born out of that question. I had Maggie hear some gossip about the CEO a couple pages before the meet-cute, and then let it loose to that person's face. Now that is embarrassing. Potentially fatal to her career--hey, sounds like we have conflict! It didn't end there. My first draft was 70k words of kindness toward my protagnoist who I love so much (and you don't hurt your loved-ones, right?). Check out how well Maggie does at work in the first draft: "He smiled kindly. 'We sure did. Pleasure to meet you in person. We've got plenty planned for you, so I hope you're ready to hit social, and write write write.' My voice chirped. 'I am!' From there, I was thrown into a whirlwind of social media accounts and powerpoint presentations. Andrew would hit me with compliments all along the way. 'You're so quick at this!' 'I can tell you're an active listener.' 'I can't wait to see what you've got up your sleeves.'" What a sweetheart Andrew is in this first draft. I modeled Maggie's first day after what a real first day as an intern looks like when you have a kind boss. And that made every work scene a one-way ticket to Snoozeville. Look at how Andrew evolved in my latest draft: "He didn’t stand up or shake my hand. 'Mmm--well. You have huge shoes to fill. Our last intern was here for a year on an exchange program with a Singaporean university. The Harvard of Asia, and it showed. She was a one percenter. Like I said, big shoes.' ....He glanced back at his computer, like he had remembered something more important than dealing with me. 'Anyway, I have a meeting so I can’t show you the ropes. Hailey will get you started.' I looked around, but no one was sitting anywhere in our area. Was he toying with me, punishing me for being inadequate?" Ouch. And there was born a novel-length rivalry. Every time Andrew is in the scene, the reader knows there's going to be drama (and strangely, they look forward to it). Of course, you don't need to be sadistic. The plot isn't that Maggie starts her new job and everyone hates her (unless that is the point of your novel). Application to your own writing First, refer back to Part 1's task of outlining the Want, Obstacle & Action in each section. Once you've done that, you have a handy reference sheet of all the obstacles in your book. Here are questions to ask yourself:
If you're looking for a great example of obstacles driving the narrative, check out Dahlia Adler's Last Will and Testament. Take note of how many obstacles are thrown in front of the protagonist, and how oddly enjoyable it is to read her struggle through them. We love our characters. But don't be too nice to them.
0 Comments
This is part two of a three part series. For part one, click here. Too Many Info Dumps & Flashbacks
Let's start by defining both terms. The “info dump” is so prevalent that it has its own entry in the English Oxford Living Dictionary. They define it as: "a very large amount of information supplied all at once, especially as background information in a narrative." Its kissing cousin is the flashback, defined as, "a device in the narrative of a motion picture, novel, etc., by which an event or scene taking place before the present time in the narrative is inserted into the chronological structure of the work." And I *loved* these two devices in my first novel manuscript. When I wasn't writing scenes without any desires or obstacles, I was info dumping and flashback-ing like that was the only way to write. In chapter four, my protagonist wakes up and--get ready for this--looks at the carpet, giving her flashbacks for three pages. But that's not the worst offender. Chapter five is literally all flashback, without any pretense of a present scene. It begins with, "Lena met Brandon Marino the first day she moved into the dorms" and continues to tell their origin story for seven single-spaced pages. I understand why I did this. Flashbacks and info dumps feel like telling a story: you have a beginning, middle, and end to the flashback. Or the info dump gives information that the reader wants to know, right? Mostly wrong. But first, there are a couple exceptions-- Some genres work fine with info dumps & flashbacks. Humorous novels or novels with a quirky omniscient narrator can include info dumps or flashbacks that work. Young Middle Grade novels may also benefit from an info dump at the start of the story, to give the young reader a sense of context. Info dumps and flashbacks are also 100% okay, and even useful, in first drafts, because you're building the character's worlds and their rich backstory. Even though I was being judgmental about the number of flashbacks I wrote into my story, I'm also impressed by how deeply I dove into this character's history. For a second draft, knowing that information about her would be useful. This brings me to my first piece of advice: Trust yourself to sprinkle in relevant backstory. If you have rich backstory, you'll absolutely be able to layer it into your narration. It will come up during your scenes full of desires, obstacles, and actions. Pepper it in, but don't over season. Let's take the line referenced above: "Lena met Brandon Marino the first day she moved into the dorms." This is an important piece of backstory, but the way it's told (1) drags us out of the present moment (2) lands us into squarely into authorial intrusion** territory and (3) is the dreaded telling***. It also doesn't tell us that much, which is why I launched into seven pages of explaining their past. How can it be layered into the present story? How about this: "Her husband lumbered into the room, hair askance, smelling of stale whiskey and cigarettes--a far cry from the fresh-faced young man she'd met her first day in the dorms." Here we're staying in the present narration, while Lena remembers what he was like back then. The piece of information about their meeting is so much more powerful now because the past is in context of the present. It means so much more that Brandon was fresh-faced then because he sure isn't now. But the work isn't done yet. The temptation of old-writer-me would be to start retelling their meeting right after the above sentence. Old writer me would have continued: "When she had walked down the hall she had heard a familiar melody booming out into the hall. She'd popped her head into Brandon’s room, where Brandon and his roommate were tangled in a mess of wires, setting up their sound system. 'Built to Spill – Carry the Zero?' she'd asked. 'You got it,' Brandon had replied." We've delved into the past again, with no relevance to the present moment. Instead of narrating a past scene via a flashback, it'd be stronger to have Built to Spill's song playing some time during the novel, and then give Lena visceral memories of Brandon in the past moment (and compare it to the present). Make your own opportunities to include important moments from the past. My second piece of advice is related to info dumps: Trust your readers to understand your story without info dumps Your readers don't need every aspect of the scene and backstory spelled out for them right away. They are smart. They can piece your ideas together, and will enjoy it a heck of a lot more than being told everything at once. Don't believe me? Hold on tight, you're about to get info-dumped: "Noelle was free that night and would love to have dinner with Lena. Lena heard this news, relieved, for her friendship with Noelle had been waning lately. Noelle took pride in her ambitious and successful collection of friends. But since the passing of Lena's parents almost two years before, she had not been able to hold a steady job and was currently unemployed–a fact unknown among her friends and acquaintances, as well as her husband." What's wrong with this scene? First, it's all telling. The narrator lets drop a juicy piece of information here--Lena is unemployed but is hiding it from all her friends and even her husband. But it's not powerful at all; our feeling hardly registers on the feel-o-meter because it was simply told to us. When I wrote this passage, I must have been thinking that I needed to set up the context of the meeting so that my reader could understand it. But of course a reader could understand the stakes of this meeting without being told up front. Instead, that piece of information could be more impactful if it was layered into their hangout, through showing. Maybe something like this: "Noelle asked, 'How's work going?' Lena froze. Why hadn't she prepared an answer? Of course Noelle would ask about her job; it was Noelle. Which lie was she on now? The jewelry importing business? Or had she taken a freelance editing job?" The entire scene could be a slow increase of anxiety while Lena dances around her lies to Noelle, scoring multiple points on the feel-o-meter. Then imagine Lena going home and having a similar conversation with her husband. Only then does the reader realize that she's lying to her husband, too. Minds will be blown. Breadcrumb your info. Your readers will thank you. **Authorial intrusion: meaning, the reader is taken out of the narrative because they feel the author's voice barging in, instead of the protagonist's narration carrying the story. If you're thinking about the author writing the book instead of being immersed in the world of the story, this is probably authorial intrusion. ***Telling: from the overworn but relevant advice, "show don't tell". Here are three articles on the subject: http://thewritepractice.com/show-dont-tell/ www.quickanddirtytips.com/education/grammar/show-dont-tell www.newyorker.com/magazine/2017/06/05/show-dont-tell Stay tuned for Part Three: Being Nice to Your Protagonist Or, You've Come a Long Way, KidYesterday I dug up my very first unfinished novel manuscript, and I was floored. I've come so far since 2008. Am I anywhere near perfect now? No. Have I learned a ton? Yes. Some of these learnings are so easy to apply that I wanted to share them with the world. In a three-part segment, I'll detail the three biggest rookie writing mistakes I made in my first novel and how you can avoid them. Part one, below! No Want, Obstacle, & Action in each scene This is first on the list for a reason: without it, your book faces certain death. Have you ever come across a scene in a book where your eyes start to skim the words? It's probably a scene without the holy trinity: Want, Obstacle, & Action. Start with the "want". Some authors say that your protagonist must want something on every page, even if it's just a glass of water. Ideally, this page-by-page desire should have higher stakes than a glass of water, but that saying illustrates that even in the most mundane seeming moments, your character should want something. If your character doesn't care, your reader will not care. A Harry Potter example, for good measure: Harry wants to stop the Philosopher's stone from being stolen. If he didn't want it, badly, then there wouldn't be much of a book. Now, the obstacle. If your character can reach out and grab the thing he wants, the book ends there. The obstacle needs to be at least as significant as the want. If either want or obstacle is weak, then the conflict is dull, and again, certain death. In HP1, the trio have only one chance to stop the stone from being stolen and given to Voldemort, and the Philosopher's stone is being guarded by Fluffy (among other traps). Definitely no shortage of obstacles! And finally, if there is a significant desire, a worthy obstacle, but your character doesn't do anything about it–action–then your book isn't going anywhere. Alternate HP1 ending: though Harry is worried about the Philosopher's stone being stolen, he chickens out and decides to get a good night's sleep instead. Laughable, right? I wrote this exact type of story. The protagonist in my 2008 book did not want anything, and if she did, nothing stood in her way. Here's an excruciating example from my book of what not to do: "Her eyes met the piano again. Maybe I should play the piano after all; it can’t be that terrible, she rationalized. Lena walked over to the instrument and opened the bench, looking for sheet music. Something easy, that wouldn’t cause her too much frustration based on missed notes...She began flipping through and stopped on the fourth page. Ah, Ivan Sings, that melancholy but simple tune. Lena propped the book up on the stand and sat down. Okay, E flat minor. Left hand, first b and d. She quickly scanned the rest of the notes to see the general direction of the first few lines. She knew the melody by heart so that helped, at least. With resolve, she struck the first notes. So loud! She calmed the next three in the measure down and cherished the minor chords. She brought in the right hand, slowing down her playing to avoid making as few mistakes as possible." *Cringeville* But the point here is not to beat myself up. What is wrong with this scene? Lena doesn't want anything. There are no stakes. She wants to play the piano for no reason other than the piano is there. She even finds a piece that she can play. There's no obstacle stopping her, so she plays it. And she's decent at it. How would I fix this, if I wanted to keep the piano scene? -First, playing the piano should mean something to her character beyond simply passing time. She should have been a brilliant pianist in the past. (Setting up high-stakes want) -I'd have her sit down at the piano for a specific reason: maybe someone who means a lot to her asked if she could play a high-profile charity piano show, and she agreed. If she doesn't perform at the show, it should spell social humiliation. Now she has a good reason for sitting down at the piano. There's a lot more at stake, and both Lena and the reader should be holding their breath about how her playing is going to turn out. (Want, with stakes). -She agreed to play a difficult piece for the show. I'd have her practice it and be awful. When her fingers don’t cooperate, she should feel shame and rising panic, and so will the reader (Obstacle). -And...I'd have someone who knew how good she was in the past overhear her playing. What does she do now? Does she cancel the charity show? Tell her friend the truth about her lack of talent? And now she has to deal with the friend who overheard her. (Action set-up). Not a perfect scene but way. more. interesting. She has a clear desire, obstacle, and there's room for an interesting follow-up action with more conflict mixed in. Application to your writing: Examine the Want, Obstacle, & Action in all your scenes. I created a spreadsheet that included each scene in my latest novel and spelled out the Want, Obstacle, & Action for every scene. It took a while, but it was worth it. I highlighted a number of scenes that didn't have clear desires, obstacles, or actions. The spreadsheet is huge, but here are two mini examples, put side-by-side for comparison. Below, the scene in Chapter 9 passed the test and the scene in Chapter 15 didn't: I did add "lol"s when it was painfully obvious that I was missing something. In Chapter 15, the "want" was not strong enough, and since there was no obstacle to her desire, no action needed to be taken. I had cut out the very real stakes from this scene. My story is a "forbidden" romance, so I included the love interest (V) asking about whether or not the protag's family knew about the date. The answer was no. Instead of this scene being pick-me-up-and-take-me-there, it instead served as a harsh reminder of the central want & obstacle: my protag wants this woman, badly, but also doesn't want to be disowned by her family, just as badly. The dialogue made all the stakes present. This isn't just any date; it's a date that could change the course of her life. Then, the action showed that my protag pressed on in the face of her fears–it turned into an active choice. I even upped the obstacles in Chapter 9–I added dialogue embarrassing my protagonist for not knowing what Snapchat was, which was an obstacle to her desire to fit in with her co-workers. With only seven lines or so, I increased the stakes, made my character more sympathetic, and added to the overall fun of the book. If you want to learn more about Want, Obstacle, & Action, I suggest reading Jerry Cleaver's Book, Immediate Fiction. Check out Part 2: Too Many Flashbacks & Info Dumps, here. 7/19/2017 0 Comments PitchWars 2017Thrilled to be submitting to PitchWars 2017. So many mentors interested in LGBT romance, yes! My manuscript, Swaying Magnolia, is an #ownvoices work. My hope is that this story will speak to someone who, like my MC, is struggling with her sexuality and family approval. Plus, this book fulfills [my personal] fantasy of having a typical "alpha" woman falling for them. Powerful? Dominant? Sexy? Yes please. Back-of-the-Cover SummaryTwenty-two year old Maggie Reyne has never felt more like a fish out of water than when she moves away from home for the first time--from California's Central Valley, to San Francisco--to start an internship at a tech company. Maggie desperately needs to make it to full time to help with her parents’ financial situation and make them proud, especially her Baptist preacher father. On her first day of work, Maggie nearly gets herself fired. She comes face to face with the CEO of the company, Victoria Citron, a twenty-nine year old prodigy and tech industry celebrity, infamous for demanding perfection. Not realizing who she’s talking to, Maggie lets slip a piece of gossip she heard about her. Maggie believes her gaffe is going to be the end of her career, but instead it launches the most unexpected relationship of her life. Victoria is impressed by Maggie’s particular brand of quiet audacity--which goes from accidental to intentional--and falls for her. Maggie, who has lived with the assumption that she’s straight, is shocked to realize that she is deeply attracted to Victoria. In order to keep up appearances with her Baptist family, Maggie begins to dig herself into deeper and deeper lies, and Victoria’s patience with Maggie’s deceptions only stretches so far. Maggie has to find the courage to dive headfirst into her relationship, even if it means bringing loss and ruin to the world she's always known. And if she doesn’t soon, Victoria might make that decision for her. Thanks for reading! Good luck to all the PitchWars hopefuls!
|
AuthorWynn Bishop is a sometime-resident of San Francisco. She's a lover of extra-dark chocolate, indie electronica, minimalism, and a damn good book. ArchivesCategories |